понедельник, 20 октября 2014 г.

Book #03. Psychological Aikido, Mikhail E. Litvak, 1992

Mikhail E. Litvak is a Russian psychotherapist, author of the system called psychological aikido. The system mostly based on transactional analysis by Eric Berne.

The first book "Psychological Aikido" was wrote as a work result with his patients suffered from neuroses and depressions. The main idea is do not resist aggression, but amortize it. The same fundamental principle underlying of aikido Japanese martial art - to join with the power of aggression and redirect rather then opposing it head-on.

I'm going to make some short notes with key ideas below.


Every healthy person thinks that he is a good one. 

Principles of studying 
  1. Practice regularly.
  2. Do not afraid of difficulties and misfortunes.
  3. Work first on defend. Sometimes it is enough for success communication. "Reconcile with rival, while you both are on the same way."
  4. Do not focus on other's ridicules . "Do not answer fool with foolishness for not being alike".
  5. Do not celebrate success. Be calm.
  6. Give the initiative to your partner on a period of studying.
Types of amortization
  1. Immediate amortization.
  2. Preventive amortization.
  3. Delayed amortization.
Principles of amortization
  1. Accept compliments calmly.
  2. If you okay with offer - take it.
  3. Do not offer your service. Help after finished your business.
  4. Offer collaboration only once.
  5. Do not wait while somebody starts criticize you, criticize yourself first.
The need of communication
  1. Hunger of communication.
  2. Hunger for meeting interest people.
  3. Hunger to be recognition.
  4. Events hunger.
  5. Achievements hunger. 
  6. Success hunger.
There are three "I" in every person
  1. Parent (Р)
  2. Adult (В)
  3. Child (Д)
Communication should to be build on disjoint transactions. There is a ability to define a vector of stimulus direction at the root of amortization and ability to give respond in opposite direction.

Business communication lies on line В-В (Adult-Adult). You should agree with partner firstly and then give him a question for leading him to line В-В.

If your partner chose Parent's position you should answer from Child position, ie accept him and give a question to transform conversation to B-B area.

Example:

Boss: Do it now! (Р-Д).
Employer: Okay. (Д-Р). But how? (В-В).
Boss: Think by yourself! What for are you here? (Р-Д).
Employer: If I could think like you I were the boss. (Д-Р).

Usually after a few amortizations (Boss's child shouldn't be touched) energy of Parent discharged, and there is no charge, partner step down to the Adult position.

During the conversation you should always look and the partner's eyes, it is an adult position. At the very outside - up, as if you are the child. But don't look down, it is a position of Parent.




Amortization can be used in social life, at work, in relationships and during it's breaking. It is necessary:

  1. Accept the person as a whole, trying not to stumble on his prickles.
  2. Bring amortization to an end. Be patient waiting the result.
  3. Write amortization letters at the first step of studying.
  4. Break the barriers before breaking up.
To rule or to be ruled?

Amortization's technic lies it the root of the rule formulated by Dale Carnegie: "The idea should be born in the partner's head". Many follow it when it connected with the boss, or another person they depends on. But it is even more effective with inferior. The task formulated in general and suggest the partner to find a solution. All reply motivated refusing until matching with your own hidden opinion.

You: We have already have a vacant position of foreman. Any suggestions in that case?
A.: I think M. will be ok.
You: Yes, it is an energetic employer but he haven't enough experience.
B.: What if we assign K.?
You: He good at the production, but he can't cope with people.
C.: I can suggest O.
You: He is a good executor, but we need a creative person.
D.: How about N.?

You (after delaying for thinking):Yes, it's interesting. (delay 20-30 second). Yes, yes. It is a suitable candidacy, thank you for appointment. If you can't lead other on your candidate, give a question: "What do you think about N., as a candidate on this position?"

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